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The Bitch Wars[小人囯記] September 30, 2008

Posted by ash in about Moody rants.

It’s so strange to hear rumours about yourself. Especially when you reckon you have done nothing of that sort and that people have already stabbed you a million times before you finally realised that you have been a tea-time or (am I supposed to be honoured) lunch topic.

So I hear that I have been a bully, that I have not been nice to my rival my new colleague. Apparently she went around having lunch with various people from different departments, saying that she has no friends in her department. (Incidentally, there’s only me my boss and her in her department) You see, it helps when you look young, vulnerable and know how to put on a pitiful look. The “Oh, I am all alone here in a foreign land” thing. I wonder why that didn’t help me survive the bitch workplace in Japan the other time, I guess I am just not cut out for acting.

It also helps when you can be Santa Claus. Buy chocolates, biscuits and any other tidbits and distribute them to various people after every business trip. How is it that these tidbits always land up on the tables of people from HR, IS and Finance? (I don’t think you get any if you worked less than 2 yrs. 6 yrs is a good bet) I am overwhelmed by the festive atmosphere my new colleague creates. And it is amazing, appalling and immensely disappointing when these sweets really do cause people to take sides. Can I start buying everyone white rabbit candy?

And since when did knowing a 3rd language become a decisive factor for getting yourself hated? Just because I speak Japanese does not mean that I am trying to be “up there”. It’s a skill I have and there is nothing wrong with me using my skill at work. That’s what I am hired for. What do you expect me to speak to my Japanese boss? Hokkien?

Jap Boss: Ano….le an zua bo zuo gang? (Ano…why are you not working?)

Me: Sumimasen, bo sim loh….(I am sorry, but I have no heart to work)

Jap Boss: Sou desuka! si mi dai ji leh? (Really, what’s up?)

Me: ji eh si cha bor loh… (*points to my colleague* this damn bitch)

I have seen those girls in the other departments (like the office next to ours) cast me weird looks when I speak Jap to the other female jap staff in the pantry. Hello? If it is a business meeting I would share the content with everyone. Why can’t I speak Jap to a Jap?

Anyway, the rally is on and I have no advantages in this running. May I summarise the fallacies or if I may say, misconceptions which are floating around.

  • I am older and I bully the younger staff.
  • She is a foreigner and she feels lonely, is pitiful and has no one to take care of her.
  • She is nice and vulnerable.
  • As locals, we must take care of foreign staff and go to lunch with them to prove our friendliness.
  • At work, we cannot be friendly with 1 female staff and not the other. Everyone must be happy as a group and all girls get along well together in the workplace.
  • I am a bitch who makes use of my japanese language skill to suck up to my boss.
  • She works really hard.
  • She cannot speak Japanese so she is at a disadvantage.

Ha! I want to shout “My ass!” especially at the last one. She is attending 2 Jap schs simultaneously, she has a Japanese passport for gdness sake and she actually understands Jap to an intermediate level. She just pretends she doesnt understand it. But there are cases where I have seen otherwise.

You know what she did last week? She went to ask at least 10 people about how she can cure her ulcer. And she went to see the company doc for an ulcer. It’s her way of getting attention, starting a conversation and I don’t know what else. What I also don’t know is why people are so dense. With most having at least 5 years of working experience, how can you not see through her? It is exasperating.

2 people (with common sense, thank gdness) who can see what she truly is have told me that I should stop putting myself in such a disadvantageous position and start to appeal to the rest. “Why don’t you buy sweets back from indonesia?”


I can do it, just like how I try to smile and nod at everyone I meet in the toilet and pantry, but if you want me to go beyond that, I can’t.


I always remember what my ex-colleague told me. (She’s often being misunderstood and very much disliked)

“You can’t please everyone”

So easy to say, so hard to come to terms with it.

This situation is a dilemma. By now, after years of fighting the bitch wars in different offices, I should have 看破紅塵, but why is it that I still feel such a strong sense of injustice? Can you understand this 不甘願 feeling? I mean come on, I haven’t even done anything wrong. I didn’t even create a high profile, I just come to work, fly to Jakarta and get stuck in meeting rooms.

Why am I being faulted for being close to another colleague? Just because I am close to the other one and not close to the new one does not mean that I bullied her? MUST I go out to lunch with her? Is it compulsory?





1. almoking - October 1, 2008

tats a long post, haha

2. ash - October 1, 2008

If length is any indication of the exasperation I feel towards this issue, then you should know how exasperated I am.

3. popartgirl - October 1, 2008

i can feel your frustration!
work hasn’t been peachy recently too, though for entirely different reasons than your situation.
i guess one thing i learn as we all grow older is that our not-so-beloved Singaporeans can be super small-minded and petty, their minds closed off to the world. and i don’t just mean our elders, i mean people our age too.
i would say continue being who you are bah. you haven’t stabbed anyone in the back, you haven’t fawned on or bribed anyone or tried to win their sympathy; in short, you’ve been true to yourself. noone can put on an act for too long, if new girl is really faking it to win sympathy, she’s gonna slip up before too long.
so tell them you don’t give a shit about their petty misconceptions and carry on being yourself. ganbatte! (i spelt it right this time…)

4. ash - October 2, 2008

Thanks Dawnie! (Haha I burst out laughing at the “i spelt it right this time”, you made my day!)
Anyway you are right about people being petty etc, this morn I said morn to somebody in the washroom and was completely ignored. It wasn’t just the greeting tt was being ignored, it was my entire existence tt was being ignored too. Argh!
Ya man, don’t give a shit. I will just continue doing things my way, 他們越要講,我就越做給他們講。
Or you know, I really could just start giving out 大白兔奶糖, the melamine may clean their heads up a bit.

5. wee - October 2, 2008

hahaha i like the 大白兔奶糖 and “Sou desuka! si mi dai ji leh?”..
it reminds me of the ghost in my ex-company.. people can be so small-minded, it just sucks to be around them.
so, igorING is bliss! i wouldn’t give a damn too. someone would see thru her act soon enough!

6. ash - October 2, 2008

Thanks wee! I wish I was still in Novena and we cld bitch abt this in the lift or lunch…but then agan if I was still in Novena, I prob wldnt have this kind of PR probs. The ppl there were more normal. And I had friends.

大白兔奶糖 is sadly taken off off the shelves. I can contact the supplier, I read he is stuck with 4000 packets. These should be enough to poison all the marketing girls.

7. Mrs Kaneshiro *pukes* - October 2, 2008

U Shi bei Cham sia! Will try my best to cheer u up! Otherwise… the Big Rabbit candy plan to those gals sounds good! kekeke!!

8. ash - October 3, 2008

Mrs Kaneshiro *pukes* Ok this is your generic name but can I puke one more time?
Nvm, you already cheered me up with the chocolates that day at KTV!

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