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July 5, 2008

Posted by ash in Uncategorized.
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My first free Saturday after the break-up. Suddenly I felt like I had some extra time on my hands. I decided to go out along and walk around the streets, enjoy some me-time and hopefully, get myself back in the process.

I had an errand to run near Lavender but after it finished I didn’t know where to go…reflex brought me to Bugis where i walked around in circles, tried clothes and accessories and gave up buying any because I am honestly very broke. I needed my Starbucks fix but the place was flooded with people. Later I moved to Orchard because I don’t know what else I could do in Bugis. Desmond said he had time and asked if I wanted to watch Hancock, so we set the time to meet at 6 but before that I had about 2 hours to burn so I went to the cafe at Marriott and sat amongst all the ang mohs. Unfortunately, not only was I not ang moh, I was thought to be from China all because the name that appears on my debit card is in full hanyu pinyin and the surname says Wu. I wasn’t offended because I had already gone through the same drill at the Vietnamese airport yesterday. I just can’t comprehend it though, is “Wu” such a china-sounding surname?

For the record too, I would like to emphasise that I know the meaning of “Linguine”. I was offended on the SQ flight yesterday when the flight attendant insinuated that I didn’t know it.

FA: Hi Mam’, would you like Szechuan chicken with rice or fish with linguine?

Me: Erm…. (I was only short of an answer because both choices sounded awful)

FA: We have Szechuan chicken with rice or fish with linguine.

Me: Well…

FA: Linguine is pasta.

See how irritating that is? Ok, maybe I am a tad defensive but still!

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I am going to include bits and pieces about the jerk in my blog entries these days. Even though we all established that he is a bastard, it’s not so easy for me to chuck him out of my mind like that. The mixture of anger, loneliness, injustice and longing is complicated. I think I need to verbalise it here bit by bit so that I can get over it. So, please allow me to indulge a little.

It seems that he just joined the “Agnes B” fan page on facebook. WTF? When I was lusting after the Agnes B wallet last x’mas, he was still commenting that it isnt worth it blah blah blah…and even though he owns a few items from Agnes B, these were all presents given by others. That scrooge would never buy Agnes B himself. I bet it’s to play hip. In retaliation, I joined the Kate Spade fan page. At least I own Kate Spade and really like Kate Spade! HMPH.

The thing about the whole fiasco is that, even though he blames me for garnering allies from his side, they are afterall his friends. I am not their friend, and they can only give him the cold shoulder for so long so eventually I don’t win at all. In fact, I am the biggest loser in this game of his.

Anyway, I would like to thank all who have expressed their concern these past few days, whether or not you have directly texted me or left msgs etc. Even if you have only been thinking in your heart about me and finding out from someone else, I still appreciae your concern all the same.

It is still a difficult period and saying to myself that “he is a bastard and I am better off without him” 10 times a day is simply not enough to cure my pain. I won’t even bother to deny the loneliness and occasional yearning I feel for the jerk.

Time will heal the pain, no?

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