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July 1, 2008

Posted by ash in Uncategorized.
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This morning I was so chirpy and full of energy I surprised even myself. I was attentive during work and read all e-mails zealously. As work was only half-day today, I arranged to meet Abby and XY.

As I moved to Orchard, I felt light and fine. I was listening to Madonna and at Spinelli, I had my first meal in 3 days: A regular serving of potato salad. After not eating for 3 days, chewing food was a strange sensation. I congratulated myself when I finished nearly the entire portion. But I knew something was not right, I was feeling too fine. I suspected an emotional downside to take over soon, because the change in emotions have been too intense the past few days, it wouldn’t surprise me if I started feeling upset again.

True enough I started feeling terrible from late afternoon. The saving grace was that Abby and XY were with me, and in a crisis like this, the mind automatically switches to retail therapy mode. I bought a starbucks mug, a cardigan from MNG and a crimson dress from Forever 21. Now that it is time to throw away the useless wallet that jerk gave to me last x’mas, I am yearning for that cream colored Gucci wallet again. Price down to 530! But alas, I don’t have 530 to spare.

We watched a movie, and despite the movie being fast paced and action packed, I started missing him during the movie. This just seems like the sorta movie he would wanna watch together. It is pathetic and silly to even think of him after all that he has done but I can’t help it. “I will survive” is not so easy afterall, I am only human and a vulnerable one.

Just yesterday I hardened my resolve and deleted all our photos, his number and all logged text messages from my phone. The ones in my computer, I still can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know what I am keeping them for. Maybe I am masochistic.

Sometimes, I inevitably replay in my mind what he said to me. I guess the worst line must be “I have no more feelings for you” and “(insert ex-gf’s name) is staying over” when I pleaded to meet up and talk.

I need strength, I really do.

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Comments»

1. chuukamanju - July 2, 2008

hang in there girl >< i know its easier said then done, but i really hope things will get better for u soon.

2. SePPiE - July 2, 2008

Wah lau! What a bloody fking bastard. You better not let me know who he is or i’ll use what’s left of my smashed car to crash the lights outta him.

3. ash - July 4, 2008

Bekah: ありがとうね。本当につらいけど、これから少しずつ立ちなおすしかないね。Bekahも気をつけて、元気でね。

Seppie: Sigh. Maybe you should crash the living daylights out of me instead. I don’t know what to feel anymore.

4. SePPiE - July 4, 2008

Aiya you….always torturing yourself…i read oredi heart pain. *hugshugs* k…be strong girl…stay clear of bastards and find a guy truly worthy of u! (If you need me to intro..i have a few decent candidates:))


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