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October 5, 2007

Posted by ash in about Memories & Reflections.
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Much as I was joking to someone yesterday that my tummy contains the oil industry of Saudi Arabia, the truth is that my heart feels like the Sahara Desert. Empty and dry. Strong winds at times maybe but no oases I think.

I can understand why Yunisu still can’t settle in after more than a year. What is there to look forward to?

The thought of being forgotten is very scary to me indeed. This morning I received an email from the girl who took over me in school. She’s getting on fine with the teachers, the students and loving every minute of it. The asshole whom I had problems working with totally worships her I think, for the single reason that she is Caucasian. My students, they probably forgot all about me, and I am really sad. When I left, everyone said they would miss me, they would write letters to me…

I am trying very hard. The past two months I have been trying so hard to the extent that I was pretending that nothing is happening. I searched for jobs.. I went out with friends I try to tell myself that it’s Singapore that I am back to. I try to give myself strength to carry on. But the truth is, I am not fine at all. My will power is fast dwindling, I am afraid I will collapse, not onto the ground but into nothingness. It sounds silly right? I did nothing for 2 months and now I am whining about wanting to collapse…

I really am a cuckoo.

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Comments»

1. ~y~ - October 6, 2007

cheer up, you didn’t expect everything to fall in place immediately. just keep trying…
and nobody is forgetting you, don’t be silly.

2. ash - October 6, 2007

Thanks 🙂
For now it’s just earn some pocket money and do retail therapy. LOL


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