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September 6, 2007

Posted by ash in about Moody rants.
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How you do differentiate between your bad points and that of your character which people don’t like? I find that the line is sometimes rather thin.

I am puzzled because somebody said to me rather confidently that I don’t try to understand other people. Maybe some of you reading this may agree.

I probably didn’t last time. But now, I can safely say, that when you find me not “trying” to understand you, it means that I don’t understand you. Some part of you must be different from me fundamentally, and there is no way I can understand it because I don’t have those values or my character isn’t like that. I don’t say “You should change” just because I don’t like it. Even if I am not the only one who thinks of you in that negative way, I am sure among your other friends, there are people who don’t mind that certain aspect of you. That’s how you have friends of different characters, and that’s why you can talk to different friends about different things.

An aquaintance would walk several hundred meters to an ATM of a different bank on a Saturday just because there is no surcharge when drawing money. (There is another ATM which is just right in front but it charges) I personally would call that insane or stingy, and trust me, I don’t like it a single bit when people do these kind of things. Some people may think of it as a virtue, or even think she is cute. But no, it doesn’t make sense to me. When she once suggested that we go to a further ATM, I told her that we should go to the nearer ATM and I will pay the surcharge for her. She was shocked at my proposal and because she was a little embarassed at it she decided to go to the ATM nearer and pay for the surcharge herself. In this situation, I probably embarassed her and on top of that didn’t try to understand her. Now, would you fault me? Some people would I guess, but I am sure there are others who would have taken the same course of action.

Say for example I have a group of girlfriends who sleep around , can I say to them “Hey you are being so loose, can you change?” and then try to tell people that they are unreasonable when they refuse to talk to me anymore? I am sure I have the right to think they are loose, based upon my own values. But then again I have to accept that their characters are like that, and I either accept it and be their friend or drop it and not be their friend.

Of course these are trivial examples. I too had my doubts before, resented certain friends before because they “didnt try to understand me.” But later, I just concluded that different people have different situations, characters and values. My friends all would have thought the same of me before I am sure. So there you go, I think this is inevitable.

What I want to say ultimately, is that I don’t think I am selfish in that sense. Please, everyone is selfish, I am not training to be a saint you know. Unless the time comes when everyone thinks that I am such a lousy person that they don’t even want to talk to me, or that I find all my friends leaving me, I will seriously evaluate my character. For now, I think I am ok the way I am and thank you for your feedback.

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