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September 4, 2007

Posted by ash in about Moody rants.
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The topic of “ex”es always brings about unhappiness I think. Almost all break-ups end on a bad note so what you have left are 2 parties either loathing each other in their hearts or like what some people choose to do, bitch aloud to mutual friends.

 I was a victim in one case, where an opposite party so insecured thought I was going out with his good friend. Despite hours on the phone reassuring him, despite my carefully planned birthday celebration for him, he still couldn’t get pass his insecurity. I had no idea why. Maybe I look like a slut? Haha. In the end I called it a day. 2 years later, he asked me on Messenger why we broke up. Said he couldn’t remember. I say he never did understand, ha. I remember feeling an intense relief at that point of time. Breaking up was right afterall.

Since then I gave up dating anyone until someone else came by some years later. In the end although I was the one who initiated break-up, I did it based on careful consideration. So now mutual friends tell me I am labelled an ingrate. So I forgot all the things he did for me and went on for greener pastures, dated someone else. Did he not gain anything in that relationship? Were the times spent unenjoyable? Were his needs unsatisfied? Or am I so worthless that whatever that was done with me doesn’t mean a thing?

It’s easy to feel bitter and play the victim, blame it all on the bitch who ditched you. You can feel it in your heart, but to bitch about it to mutual friends is disgusting. There is no self-respect in it. Yes, some people are ingrateful but I am not. But since I am labelled as the bad guy, I shall fulfill my role and conveniently forget everything. Yes, now you can bitch all you want, tell your new girlfriend that your ex bitch of a girlfriend did mean things to you and ran off to Japan. Douzo.

My latest break-up is one which I am still dealing with. It was a mutual decision but there is so much love in it, it pains me. It’s probably the first time I am using the word “love” and actually meaning it. He will be someone whom I will always think about, probably during the last few fleeting moments before my death even. Every single thing he has done after the break-up is honorable, is worth my respect and love.

For those people who are playing victims and bitching about your exes for no particular reason, you will never be able to understand. In a true relationship, you reach an understanding even if it comes to an end, and you don’t go on hating each other. You accept the circumstances and you take it in your stride, no matter how difficult it is. You thank each other for the good times you had, you truly feel grateful that you had a chance to meet each other, even if it is not destined that you end up together. Love without an end can be beautiful in its own right. I am thankful I met someone who gave me the courage to love and a chance to feel loved. I really do.

And to all those lousy men who did not deserve my love or bitched about me behind my back, thank you too, for you made me see “worth” in the one who truly deserves it.

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Comments»

1. popartgirl - September 4, 2007

well said babe!
not that i have many exes to build up a portfolio of “ex” grouses though.
but, i really really hope with all my heart you’ll somehow end up with him. somehow. hugs.

2. yAnn - September 4, 2007

i understand, completely.
you’ve turned 不在乎天长地旧,只在乎曾经拥有from a cliche into reality. it’s admirable.

3. SePPiE - September 4, 2007

Yea…very touching..did i tell u my eyes were like wet when u were telling me ur story when i was on msn in the office..haha! I really really hope u guys can end up together some day again too..cos when ash uses the word love..im sure its really love 🙂

4. ash - September 4, 2007

seppie: no lah it’s not possible but whatever it is, there is nth to do except to look forward.

yann: I believe I did, and I am glad 🙂

dawn: You don’t have to build up a portfolio! You have joker what!


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